Caregiving is hard.
But it doesn’t have to take over your life.
Welcome to Minding After. This is your one-stop shop for learning facts and expert advice about various types of dementia including Alzheimer’s, engaging in caregiver story-telling, and finding your community.
We are here to empower you and build your confidence to transform your caregiver role from one of high stress to one of feeling more in control. You cannot change the dementia diagnosis or progression, but you can change how you face it and how you respond to it when you are armed with knowledge and an army of supporters behind you.
I am an Advanced Practice Nurse in neurology and, like you, a dementia caregiver.
We are sandwiched between raising our own families and caring our aging family members.
My aunt was diagnosed with dementia just before the pandemic struck. I had to essentially deconstruct my aunt’s life - an already overwhelming journey- during one of the most uncertain periods in our lifetime. While working a full-time job. And have I mentioned I did this while living long distance in a different time zone? The one-hour difference in time zones almost broke me. I was either on the phone super early, spending my whole lunch break on the phone with insurance, or racing to catch her doctor’s office before they closed. And booking flights for the whirlwind trips to get stuff done while I was there….
Even as a medical provider with an understanding of dementia and the health care system, I was frequently in tears when faced with all of the decisions that I had to make. The only thing I wanted was to be a niece again, not her medical provider, advisor, or accountant. The only things that truly got me through were the support from family and friends, and my self-care regimen.
This is why you need to put yourself first and build a support network now.
I want things to be different for you.
I’m so glad you’re here. Read on to learn more about how we can help you.
Are you in search of resources but you’re worried about misinformation?
You are not alone.
As a neurology provider, I can spot misinformation like a hawk, and correct it on a daily basis.
And as a caregiver, I have seen through facades at assisted living communities, I’ve argued with insurance companies, and I’ve even faced down a challenge to my status as power of attorney.
Rest assured you have entered a misinformation-free zone.
Ask yourself one question:
Think of your favorite activity or hobby. When was the last time you participated in it?
If you are unable to recall that last time, then consider this your first step toward fixing that.
Finding it hard to balance the long term financial and legal aspects of caregiving with the day to day caregiving responsibilities?
Digging yourself out of day-to-day caregiving feels endless and prevents you from planning the bigger picture for your loved one.
You took the day off. You’re exhausted because your loved one was up all night. Now it’s time to assist with showering, dressing, and eating. You’re about to miss the neurology appointment you have at 10am because your loved one is paranoid about your intentions. Medications spill everywhere. The electricity suddenly turns off. Was the bill paid? Your baby is screaming in the backseat, and your boss is calling you.
You get out of the car and notice your loved one lost control of their bladder. You search for a bathroom while balancing your baby in one arm and your phone in the other hand telling the doctor’s office you will be there in 5 minutes, asking if they could please still see you and your loved one.
Meanwhile, you’ve pushed back a meeting with the lawyer twice already, have not yet held a family meeting to divide roles, and wondering where you’ll find time to vet the home health agency.
Did I enroll in mail-order pharmacy? I still need to call long term care insurance about benefit eligibility, but their call center wait time is endless!
Does this sound familiar? If you can relate to even a fraction of this story, then it’s time for you to take action and seek help.
You can expect the following from our 1:1 virtual sessions:
Prior to the call, you will receive a document to help you organize things in advance.
90 minute Zoom call where you share the background and challenges that you face regarding financial, legal, and medical pieces of caregiving. If, based on your worksheet, you feel you have one of these areas already squared away, then we can customize the time to focus on other areas.
We create a list of priorities to ensure your loved one is safe. This may be different for everyone. It may mean prioritizing financial organization, creating a local support network, or setting necessary medical appointments.
You will have an opportunity to rely on me as a sounding board, help you weigh pros and cons, and gather an objective perspective on family or other social dynamics.
We also create a list of self-care items for you, and a plan for how to build them into your life to avoid burnout.
After 4 weeks, we schedule a 30-minute follow up phone call to determine how things are going, celebrate successes, and set new goals.
Take action to be a caregiving hero today!
Are you ready to transform your dementia caregiver journey from problem-ridden to one of problem-solving?
Some of the outcomes that you may experience:
Transform from stressed, crisis-fighting responder, to a calmer, pro-active planner by creating a support network
Gain an ability to see the long-term picture for your loved one’s safety, and know how to identify and ask for help for the short-term day-to-day caregiving
Become an advocate for yourself, your loved one, and become a leader in your community to help others tackle their caregiver strain
Get back that time with your family, your mental health, with exercising, and with your career
Receive feedback on your ideas and approaches to caregiving, and create a plan B if one of them doesn’t go well
Consider the alternative if you don’t take advantage of this offer.
You continue to lose literal sleep, remain on high alert and hypervigilant, and receive a flurry of texts, emails, and phone calls from concerned people.
Maybe you get a call from the police or adult protective services to explain what is going on, or a warning from your job or spouse about the toll caregiving is taking on your other relationships and responsibilities.
Can this go on? The answer is no.
You know that because you are already here reading this.
The nature of dementia prevents your loved one from willingly telling you when it’s time to stop driving, time to see a neurologist, time to get in-home help, or time to move. These are now your jobs, and it’s time to take control.
FAQs
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No. First, there are many different types of dementia: Alzheimer’s dementia, Lewy Body Dementia, Frontotemporal Dementia and vascular dementia are just a few. I will discuss any type of dementia with which your loved one has been diagnosed. Second, a formal diagnosis is not necessary for our coaching call. You may know there is a memory problem and should have a pretty good idea that your loved one is likely headed down the dementia path. We can help you get organized, anticipate, and plan.
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First, I am an Advanced Practice Nurse with nearly 12 years of experience in neurology. Second, I am a long-distance caregiver and Power of Attorney for my aunt with advanced dementia, the hardest parts of which occurred during the pandemic. As both a neurology provider and a caregiver, I am here to help make your role easier by planning and anticipating rather than reacting to crises, such as how to prepare for medical appointments, navigate social security, and how to find a community for your loved one.
Third, the wait time to see a neurologist in many parts of the country can take up to 1 year. The appointments are quick. And you need more support than just a 30 minute visit every six months. I created Minding After to fill these gaps for you.
You deserve to feel less overwhelmed and return to your primary identity of daughter, son, spouse or whatever your relationship is to your loved one. Let’s work together to make this transformation faster.
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The general plan would be to cover financial, medical, legal, emotional and self care topics. Some questions I will ask are “do you know all sources of income?” “Do you know where all the doctors are and their names?” Sometimes we may do things in real time- such as research something you’ve been putting off. Other times, I may need some time to get an answer to your question and then follow up with you, but the idea is to discuss your journey, answer your questions, and set a plan within that 90 minutes.
The call can also be customized. For example, in your pre-call questionnaire, if you feel one of these above categories is already squared away, then that’s great! We can focus on the other areas.
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If you have searched on google for caregiver support, and made it this point on my website, then you’ve already answered this question for yourself: yes. More importantly, the question you want to avoid asking yourself is “did I wait too long to work with Melissa?” “Maybe I could have found a better memory care for my mom.” Or “What the heck is a representative payee role with the Social Security Administration?” Dementia caregiving is about prevention and pre-empting safety events for your loved one. In addition, and arguably most importantly, caregiving requires a self-care plan early on so that your cup remains full to help your loved one in the first place. The spiral down with dementia and your emotional health can happen fast, and you want to avoid a crisis, so let’s put the work in now to spiral up early and often.
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Yes. You can make two installments of $100 two weeks apart. Both payments must be made prior to our first phone call, or we can reschedule the appointment for a later date.
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Prior to our call, you will fill in a questionnaire to help you organize your thoughts, questions, and documents. It’s very hard to separate your emotions and frustrations from the facts, so this form will help you organize all of that. Consider also taking a look at my free checklist to check in on where things stand in terms of your caregiving role.
I’m proud of you for seeking this help, and I have no doubt that our call will go well.
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There is a saying: “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” As a healthcare provider, I am a big believer in this, but my role as a caregiver is what taught me the importance of this rule. In this case, we of course aren’t aiming for a cure for dementia or perfection, but this saying still applies in terms of taking the time now before a crisis with your loved one occurs. We will ultimately be saving you time in facing a crisis, such as a major safety or financial scam with your loved one. Think of how much time you spend mulling and feeling paralysis by analysis. Our time together will help free you of that. It’s time to problem-solve and act in the name of safety for your loved one and in the name of your mental health.
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Our 90 minute phone call will be followed by a 30 minute follow up call in 30 days. After our 90 minute phone call, I am more than happy to answer simple questions by email or clarify things related to our plan. I cannot address new information in your journey or recreate an entirely different plan.
I’ve selected this 30 day timeframe for a few reasons. I personally found this was a reasonable timeframe for me to get things done when one has their own family, career, and may or may not be making or driving to appointments for your loved one, and/or working with a different time zone.
On a case by case basis, I’m certainly happy to consider holding that follow up with you sooner.